Conflict for an emotional rescue.

Dear Diary,
I hope you are in the best amidst the worse … i fail to understand how to address this note when everything around seems so overwhelming. But sharing a small note to speak out my inner ME is important..
When I try to do whatever I can to calm my thoughts, but often, nothing works well for me.
The television, music..the roadside hustle bustle too cannot drown out the deafening noise of my mind.
I keep telling myself that everything will work out fine the way it’s supposed to, but my heart doesnot rest and my thoughts never quit.
I replay where I’ve been and what’s happened,
the turns and twists of my life, and still, I lie there and stare at the ceiling..
Consumed by the relentless overthinking that is my way.
I can’t remember a time when I could turn off my mind, and I’ve come to accept that’s just who i am..
But when my heart battles my mind at night, it can become almost overwhelming.
My head tells me to let it go, make peace with the broken road I’ve travelled, but my heart refuses to let me.
It tells me to keep fighting, to hold on, that life means struggling and making it through the hard times together.
I can’t help but cry in these times when everything inside me is at war with what I should do.
The tears trickle down as I fight to regain my composure, but it’s impossible sometimes for the heart and mind to be on the same page.
Maybe when I get up tomorrow, I’ll feel better or have some ideas about what I should do, but right now, I just feel grappled with countless emotions.
Conflict wages inside every corner of me, with no end in sight.
I just want..peace.
I close my eyes and recall the moments of simpler times when life was enjoyed as a carefree adolescent and hope was sky high….
I find myself slowly drifting off as those warm thoughts wrap around me like a comforting blanket, giving me much needed peace.
As my heart and mind slow down, my dreams whisk me away to a more serene zone and my last thought before succumbing to exhaustion is but a simple wish..
Maybe tomorrow, somehow, I’ll find my way to a happier place..and there,
I’ll remember what it means to be contented again..where my mind and heart can finally agree with what’s best for me.
Until then, I’ll just do what I can with what I have..
And the reminding thought that gives me solace as I drift off: It’s always darkest before dawn.
I know that tomorrow will have to be a better day..
If not, I’ll just keep pushing forward and hope for moments of quiet amid my gushing thoughts.
For me, for now, that will have to be enough for i can see the flickering lights of the breaking dawn with the chirps of birds in the faraway meadow… want to get some shut eye!!!!!
Love
Dahlia B( unblossomedyet).